I’ve written this first line several times and hit backspace several times. The truth is, I have questions myself, like, What do I say? Where do I start? I have started, stopped, re-started, re-thought, re-planned, re-focused, gave up, gained perspective and still couldn’t pull myself to set out to do the things for myself that I needed to do. I find myself trying to find balance everyday. Trying to find the perfect moment to write, to think, to progress, to plan, to do. Often times I simply try and run so far from this blog and my business but I can’t seem to let this go. It’s like there’s a mission that I must accomplish.
The pass few years since starting this blog and brand, my life has been one big world wind of various situations that I found myself (and my husband) in. And although physically I survived these situations, it seems that, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally I haven’t been the best at sustaining myself in those areas. Some days I wake up and I’m ready to take on the world. And then there are some days I just don’t want to face the world. And then there are days where I’m mad at the universe because my stars haven’t aligned. Most days I walk around stuck in between thoughts of business, motherhood, and self preservation amongst other things. I do know that often times I find myself at the mercy of others and what they need. Not to detour here but I absolutely love helping other people, that in essence helps me. And you can quote me on that! I seem to thrive off of helping others. Which brings me back to the whole point of this…Why I started this blog. And Why can’t I just let go of fear and just do what I’m passionate about and be happy expressing myself.
I remember as a little girl I would always “run my mouth” ( per my mom) but that was often met with little words like, “don’t pay her attention , she just talking” or “stop talking so much”, especially in school. By the time I got out of school, I had developed a slight discipline to only speak when spoken to, and to not speak/talk so much, especially around people I don’t know. Fast forward to today, I’m often quite shy and fearful. I have a hard time meeting new people and developing relationships through shared conversations. I went from being the kid who loved to win debates in class, to an adult who often hides from situations that requires talking and sharing difference of opinions. And just to keep it real, there are family members who would debate this because yes, around them, I am a talker! And with a wide range of opinions, most times unsolicited! But that’s family! I want to finally be able to share and be myself, not who others think I am suppose to be. I can only be motivated and inspired so many times to step out on faith and just keep going, so this time around I am going to give my all to being the best version of me no matter how many flaws, fears, and tears I have to share. No matter what I go through or went through in life thus far, I believe that there is a greater purpose to living and learning in your truth. And I hope that by doing so, I am able to inspire other moms to live their truth and love who they are and what they have. There is so much more to motherhood and I’m looking forward to this long but loving journey. I now look forward to really connecting with other moms who may share the same daily woes and struggles as I have. Being a woman and a mother is not easy, I totally underestimated as a child, what being a woman and mother is all about. Is motherhood a life you could really prepare for? How do you find yourself when you feel lost in motherhood? As I explore this, stay tuned there’s more to come.
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